When Survival Becomes a Crime: America has a very skillful way of desensitizing us to violence.

Dec 31

Written By Mahalia

When you carry a deep seated feeling of low self worth, when your core belief is "I am not enough," every scrap of attention, especially from a romantic interest, feels like gold. It is not just about the boy or the girl; it is about what that person (or the perceived attention from them) represents. He/she becomes a tangible trophy, a public declaration that, "I am desirable! I am worthy! Someone chose me!" I feel compelled to talk a bit about just how deeply trauma runs for Black women. For over two years, I have been listening to an amazing podcast called "Sista's Who Kill," and it does an incredible job of bringing awareness to crimes committed by Black women, specifically in the U.S. The majority of those stories are fundamentally rooted in Intimate Partner Violence (IPV).

We all have core wounds, those raw, tender spots from past hurts. I firmly believe that if we do not have adequate resources to help us cope when these core wounds get ripped open, especially when powerful emotions like "love" (or what we think is love) are involved. In some of the "Sista's Who Kill" stories, you will hear how women sometimes get so overwhelmed by anger or fear that they dissociate. They literally check out mentally. And then they return, sometimes trying to help or fix things, but tragically, the damage has already been done. The podcast often details the moment of the crime, which can be described as an act of pure, fear induced desperation, or a profound dissociation from reality. This supports the idea that when those core wounds are reopened, and no resources are available, the response is fundamentally survival-based, rather than rational.

Altered Brain Chemistry: Traumatic experiences can literally change brain chemistry and structure, impacting the ability to control behaviors, regulate emotions, and respond to stress. For many incarcerated women, this trauma manifests as significantly elevated rates of PTSD, depression, anxiety, and substance use disorders.

Love, trauma bonds, and grief are all incredibly potent emotions. To a person with deep insecurity, trauma, abuse, who carries a profound core wound of worthlessness, and who has been desensitized to violence their whole life, these emotions can be intensified a thousandfold. America has a very skillful way of desensitizing us to violence, especially violence against Black people. Not to mention the prevalence of undiagnosed mental illness compounding everything. There are so many pathways this can go down because, trust me, this runs deep. Far too many Black women have endured sexual violence, abuse, and emotional harm from people they trust…the very people who should have protected them. These are horrific stories to hear, but for us to truly understand the current reality, we must first recognize the deep, complex history and the converging factors that have brought them to this point.

This is not a simple, single issue topic; it is incredibly complex, and too often, people refuse to acknowledge the bigger picture. For instance, studies consistently show that Black women face a significantly higher risk of mental health conditions like depression and anxiety compared to their counterparts. They are more likely to report intense feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and worthlessness. This disparity is not coincidental. Black communities, and Black women specifically, carry the immense burden of centuries of systemic oppression, including the lasting wounds of slavery, the brutality of Jim Crow laws, and persistent, ongoing racism.

This inequality is not accidental; it is built into every stage of the system. As the ACLU Florida Greater Miami reported in 2018 in Unequal Treatment: Racial and Ethnic Disparities in Miami-Dade Criminal Justice:

"This report finds that from arrest to sentencing, racial disparities exist at each decision point in the Miami-Dade County's criminal justice system."

This reality creates what experts call historical trauma, a deep, transgenerational wound that is passed down, impacting the mental and emotional well being of descendants today. The result of this systemic failure is often the most extreme punishment. Trevariana Mason, in her article Extreme Sentences Disproportionately Impact and Harm Black Women, writes:

"As of 2020 Black women account for 25% of the women on death row and are confined in the following states: Alabama, California, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, North Carolina, and Texas. Although there is limited data about this group of women, we know that mental illness and experiences with intimate partner violence and gender based violence are common among incarcerated women."

The statistics about our higher rates of depression and anxiety, our under treatment, and the sheer volume of historical trauma we carry are not just numbers. They are the echoes of a truth that many try to ignore. They are why the "Sista's Who Kill" stories hit so hard. They are why your body screams "DANGER!" when your mind tries to rationalize. Because at its core, this is the insidious way we have been taught to take abuse and call it love, until we finally snap and break.

You are not destined to repeat the pain. You are not defined by the wounds inflicted by a "village" that failed to see your light. Yes, people around you may have failed you, and the system certainly has, but do not, under any circumstances, fail yourself.